Here are a few Tech Support items that I really like reading. What makes these so funny is that they are all true. Sometimes it hard to imagine how silly we can be when we know nothing about the item we are calling customer support for. Here are a few. If you have any more put them up here for us to share. Maybe they will make somebody laugh in a day that it is hard to laugh about.
Customer: “How much do Windows cost?”
Tech support: “Windows costs about $100.”
Customer: “Oh, that’s kind of expensive. Can I buy just one window?”
Tech support: “Ok, we’re going to check your modem settings. First thing we need to do is make sure all programs are closed.”
Customer: “How do I know if everything is closed?”
Tech support: “Make sure all windows are closed.”
Customer: “But…I’m in the basement. I don’t have any windows here.”
Tech support: “Do you have any windows open right now?”
Customer: “Are you crazy, it’s twenty below outside…”
Customer: “My computer won’t work. You guys must have broken it when you installed the modem.”
Tech support: “What happens when you turn it on?”
Customer: “It won’t turn on anymore!!!!!”
Tech support: “So you don’t see any lights or hear any noise?”
Customer: “I’m telling you it WON’T TURN ON.”
Tech support: “Is it plugged in?
Customer: “OF COURSE it’s plugged in, you MORON!”
Tech support: “When you push the power button it–”
Customer: “Power button? This computer doesn’t have a power button.”
Tech support: “Sir, all computers have power buttons. Look at the front of the case, find the word ‘power,’ and push the button.”
Customer: “YOU FIXED IT!! Thanks!!!!”
Compaq is considering changing the command “Press Any Key” to “Press Return Key” because of the flood of calls asking where the “Any” key is.
Customer: “My printer is not working and I suspect my computer got a visual problem.”
Tech support: “What happened?”
Customer: “When I try to print my document, the computer says it couldn’t find the printer, so I turn the computer screen to face the printer, and the computer still cannot see it.
Customer: “Hello, is this Tech Support?”
Tech support: “Yes, it is. How may I help you?”
Customer: “The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my Warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?”
Tech support: “I’m sorry, but did you say a cup holder?”
Customer: “Yes, it’s attached to the front of my computer.”
Tech support: “Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, It’s because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotion, at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?”
Customer: “It came with my computer, I don’t know anything about a promotion. It just has ‘16X’ on it.”
(The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder.)
Tech support: “Ok, ma’am, I need you to do a ctrl-alt-del.”
Customer: “How do I do that?”
Tech support: “Push and hold ‘ctrl’ and ‘alt’ at the same time, and then hit ‘delete’.”
Customer: “Where are those?”
Tech support: (explains the location of the keys)
Customer: “Nothing happened.”
Tech support: “Try again.”
Customer: “Still nothing.”
A minute or two later….
Customer: “Should I turn my computer on? Would that help?”
Customer: I’m trying to connect to the Internet with your CD, but it just doesn’t work. What am I doing wrong?
Tech support: OK, you’ve got the CD in the CD drive, right?
Tech support: And what sort of computer are you using?
Customer: Computer? Oh no, I haven’t got a computer. It’s in the CD player and all I get is weird noises. Listen…..
Tech support: Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!
Tech Support: Click on the ‘my computer’ icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I’m writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter ‘a’ in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?
A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: “No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.”
Damien Oh is the owner and chief editor of Make Tech Easier